Meet the Car
by Umi Mikazuki
Summary: And you thought the idea of introducing your significant other to your parents could be stressful...


Disclaimer: Transformers is not mine.

This is set a year or more after the movie. Jazz has been repaired, and is staying with Tech Sgt. Epps. I can just imagine those two getting into all kinds of trouble.**  
**

**Meet the Car**  
By Shaela Dennis  
7.27.07

Robert Epps sat on the couch with his girlfriend of seven months, nervously fiddling with the remote.

"So? What's the deal?" Alicia asked him, comfortably snuggled against him. "You've been stalling for a half hour."

"Well…we've been dating for a while now, and…shit." He stood up and started walking towards the garage door. "Just come with me."

She quirked an eyebrow and followed him outside. Epps leaned on the gleaming Pontiac Solstice sitting in the garage, took a deep breath, and said, "I want you to meet Jazz." Alicia glanced around, looking for another person. Her boyfriend cleared his throat and pointed at the car. Thoroughly confused, she crossed her arms and gave him a look.

"Rob, is this some kind of joke? You're introducing me to a car that I've ridden in plenty of times with you."

The soldier grinned weakly at her, "Thing is, he's not a car _all_ the time." Muttering, he added, "Come on, man, give me some backup here."

Alicia frowned. "Are you on drugs?"

Epps frantically shook his head, "No, baby, I'm not on drugs. Seriously. Jazz, say something!" All he got was silence. He could have sworn that the car was shaking slightly, though.

His girlfriend eyed him for several seconds before putting a hand on her face, "I'm going back inside." Just as she was turning on her heel, she heard a faintly metallic voice burst into laughter, like someone that had failed to keep their mirth in.

"Yo!"

She slowly turned to look at the car, eyes wide. She was speechless as she watched the car _change_ into a very big, humanoid shape. Her knees buckled under her, and she fell to the ground.

The giant was forced to kneel down in the small space and he held out one massive hand to her, "The name's Jazz. Nice to meet ya." Tentatively, she grabbed one of his fingers in a handshake.

"What the hell, man?! You left me hangin' there, letting her think I was crazy!" Epps rounded on him. Jazz's frame began to shake in laughter again. The soldier grumbled under his breath for a few seconds before going to help Alicia stand up.

"Seven months. For seven months I've been riding inside of…that, and you didn't tell me." She glared at him accusingly.

He held out his hands, "Sorry, baby, but I wasn't supposed to tell _anybody_. Classified stuff."

Jazz cut in, grinning, "He kept going on about not liking keeping secrets from you, though."

Alicia looked closely at the robot, "What exactly are you?"

"Remember that big mess in Mission City a year or so ago, and how the government said it was military weapons going haywire? They lied. The tabloids were right about them being aliens."

"Alien robots."

Epps gave her a nervous grin, "I…kind of helped him and his buds save the world."

"So, he's…uh…"

"A good guy. Yeah."

Alicia appeared deep in thought for a moment before disappearing inside the house. She came back with two chairs from the table and set them down. "Sit. Details. Now."

Man and mech looked at each other. Shrugging his shoulders, a habit he'd picked up from humans, Jazz went back to his car form so the garage wouldn't be so crowded while Epps got comfortable in one of the chairs.

Jazz had to give the woman credit; she was taking it rather well. She didn't interrupt as her boyfriend told her everything, with the autobot occasionally throwing in a humorous comment.

"And…that's it. Any questions?"

"Yes, one." She shot the other human an annoyed look, "Why, _why_ did you not stop me from having my way with you in the backseat that one time?" Turning to the Pontiac, she blushed, "Sorry."

The engine rumbled in a mixture of disgust, annoyance and very faint amusement, "Wasn't your fault, 'Licia. Just don't do it again. I'd almost rather be ripped in half again than have to put up with that." He shuddered. "I forced him to get my interior deep-cleaned _twice_ the next day, and a good exterior wash and waxing to boot."

Epps held his head in his hands, grimacing. He was never going to live that mistake down, from either one. He couldn't blame them, though. "Let's drop this subject."

"For now. We're going to have a little talk later." Alicia said darkly as he winced. "I'm going to cook us some dinner; I'm starving. Nice to properly meet you, Jazz."

"Same. How 'bout we go for a drive tomorrow without the boyfriend?"

"Sounds great."

The mischievous tones in both their voices did not bode well for him, the soldier thought. Maybe it hadn't been such a good idea to introduce them.


End file.
